The Practice of Lettting Go
Today is the day: The day a lifelong dream comes true. My first novel has been released into the world, and it’s now available worldwide to anyone intrigued by a new take on a dystopian romantic fantasy.
The baby steps and milestones it took to get Fount and Fortune to this point feel like a tidal wave slowly cresting since January, when I finally committed to making my book publication dream a reality:
Viewing my book cover for the first time.
Finalizing my last edits on the story.
Receiving my first-ever reviews.
And so much more.
Writing is a deeply private affair—until it’s not. Until you decide to share the words swirling in your head with the public.
One of the biggest parts of my journey to publication has been learning to let go. I’ll be honest. It’s not easy. When it comes to things I care about, I’m a bit of a control freak. I want to control every aspect of a situation, event or project so that everything comes out perfect and people are happy, so I know what to expect and can be prepared for what comes next. This tendency for control is borne of good intentions and self preservation (not a nefarious bid for power—I’m not that kind of person).
After leading communications departments for public schools for a big chunk of my adult life, I learned the hard way I couldn’t control everything, nor should I. Three things I’ve learned throughout my career have helped me share my personal writings (my novel) with the public while safeguarding my heart and mind.
It’s not personal (usually). When angry people used to call the central office to complain, my former boss advised against taking it personally. Whatever the caller was upset about was not typically about me as a person. It was about what they were going through and usually about someone they cared deeply about: their child. Learning not to take things personally has been a strength for my book publication journey. I now understand that how someone reacts to my book is not about me, it’s about how they perceive my story through the lens of their own life story, experiences and feelings. Everyone will interpret and enjoy my book differently, and that’s OK.
I can’t control what other people think and do. There was a time when I based my happiness on making other people happy. While I still enjoy making people happy, I’ve learned that I cannot control other people’s thoughts and feelings. People can think and feel whatever they want, but I’m only responsible for my own thoughts, feelings and reactions. I also can’t control whether people buy and read my book. Negative reviews still sting, but they aren’t as devastating as they once might have been. Learning to let go has been liberating.
Feedback can be helpful. Throughout my career, I’ve received feedback in countless forms for the work I’ve done, including my writing. Through it all, I’ve learned how valuable constructive feedback can be, and I’m a stronger writer—and person—because of it. While not all criticism is equal, considering the feedback of others can help me see what I’ve missed, strengthen my storytelling and clarify my wording. It can help me better understand different perspectives. I’ve grown so much from feedback from beta readers, professional editors and others who have put fresh eyes on my book and helped me tell the best story possible.
I almost named this blog post “The Art of Letting Go,” but for me, there’s no art to it. It’s a daily practice. I constantly remind myself that I can’t control the universe. I can’t control other people’s minds and reactions. I can only offer my best, day by day, and spread whatever art, compassion and joy I have to offer into the world.
Thank you for reading this, for supporting me as a person and an author! I appreciate you so much!